So I had a bad month...

Or two. Maybe three. And the worst part about it was not being able to talk about it because a) I could hardly get the words out; and b) even if I could I didn't think anyone would understand; and c) I felt like nobody was there to talk to anyway...

And they seemed like such bratty? pathetic? icky? things to say out loud. So I shut my mouth and rolled with it. And found myself visiting websites I never thought I'd look up, reading things that I never thought I'd identify with. Ever.

And the silence rattled my bones and the rats that used to scurry around the ceiling of this curly head came back and food isn't the only thing that can give you heartburn or make you choke.

And even now as I write this (as I struggle to write this; I've had this draft for months) once in a while my hand comes up to my mouth to cover it. So I guess she's still there at the back of my throat.

"It is loneliness that makes the loudest noise. This is true of men as of dogs."
- Eric Hoffer, American social writer and philosopher