couch commando.

i remember now why i used to not gimmick saturday nights -- jack and bobby. been watching marathon episodes on studio23, and it still gets me teary-eyed.

and makes me wonder what i'd do with a genius kid.
and if i've been true (and good) to my soul.
and drool over matt long :)

shame it only lasted one season.

in other news, i'm wearing my new glasses, and kinda ready to puke. when i took that awful test (after 16 years, it's still awful) it seemed right, but now i don't know, things seem fish-eyed...not as bad as the first time i wore them, but then i haven't been outside (the last time i tried them on, i kept tripping). we'll see. maybe i'm just being libran.

and in other other news, guess which moron in the kitchen cut herself? aya. my left thumb, no less. so now it's a bitch to brush my teeth and flick off cigarette ash.

yuletide greetings!

hee-hee. kidding aside, though, this christmas --

i wish all near and dear to me (whether we are continents or highways apart) peace (in the brain and relationships), love, warm fuzzy thoughts, and the occasional endorphin kick.

i send a little prayer to the Big Boss in the Sky for all the people i see everyday but don't know--

the Hari ng TODA who, upon seeing me walking from the MRT, always shouts my destination to the troops;

the lola down the street who waters her super-taba plants every morning;

the woman in ortigas station who used beg, but is now selling candy and cigarettes;

all the taxi drivers who get me home safely;

and all the lolas who make tambay outside the ABS-CBN studios (why, i have no idea).

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!

cyberhugs to all :)

pahabol.

Your Personality Is Like Ecstasy

You're usually feeling the love for the world around you - you want to hug everyone. And while you're usually content to sit back and view the world with wonder... Sometimes you're world becomes very overwhelming and a little scary.

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

...so that's why i'm not into this (plus, i'm sorry, masyadong mahal).

thanks to kaye for pointing me to all these fun tests hehehe

Your 1996 Theme Song Is: Ironic by Alanis Morisette

It's like rain on your wedding day It's a free ride when you've already paid It's the good advice that you just didn't take Who would've thought ... it figures

What's Your 1996 Theme Song?

i. heart. youtube.

not only because they let me see logan everyday, but because i finally got to see nadia comaneci's perfect 10 routines in the 76 olympics.

this is the beauty of all this "it's in your hands" technology--as you wish talaga.

and check this video out! (wait i hope i do this right)

impossible is nothing

i never saw this on TV...kakilabot.

holidaze 06.

this is what we did last night, during our office xmas party.

(BUT, thank HEAVEN, we weren't wearing that.)

there were also several naughty santa baby moves (complete with chairs) thrown into the mix (c/o our producers, a.k.a. Santa's Sexy Helpers), as well as some good ol' "hey it's cold in here/there must be some taurus in the athmosphere" fun.

it's interesting, while we were dancing, pulling out of me for a bird's eye view i was quietly amused at how easily i slipped back into "just paste a smile on your face and don't look at anybody in particular" mode. i guess din the fact that i haven't done that in so long made me feel even more detached.

but it was SUPER fun! made me miss the foxy lady/CADS/RSG days. and i wonder if, back then, i enjoyed it enough. parang i want my non-backwalk-ing, non-fish-flop-ing, the-rain-makes-my-knees-ache 28 year-old self to go back in time to DLSZ Gym 1 or the AdMU doghouse or that dusty Rizal Gym and shake my high school/college self silly and scream

"you better be enjoying this, you little **it! because you won't be doing this forever! i've half a mind to haul your ass off to Dance Boot Camp and lock the key! and you know all those stretchy/pretzel-y moves you do almost every bleeding day? they've been around for AGES! and 14 years later you're going to be pulling every muscle you own trying to get back into them, because it's only when you're done with the Quarter Life Crisis that you realize those moves stretch your INSIDES, too! hay naku!"

when marga (fellow lifestyle network lady) and i started talking in eight counts, i felt like i was really back in school. i remembered how we used to have to translate our counts to bars for the boys...it was really our little planet back then, with our own language and culture and customs and myGAS i can't believe we used to walk home everyday and then practice for hours...

okay, that's enough reminiscing. back to work (KUNO! sobrang KUNO kasi halos walang tao dito at walang nagpaparamdam sa email o sa telepono! i LAB it! holidaze talaga)

happy birthday!

this blog is one year and eleven days old.

one year and eleven days later,

...the dude who was bugging me to get a blog has stopped blogging. (he's kind of hard to run into na rin, sniff)

...at least (i think) three good friends have left the country, and another one is on his way (anak ng jueteng, i didn't think i'd be that affected with the 4th creature satisfying his wanderlust...though of course am super glad he is--are you listening? fish need bicycles. friends need email updates).

...i've been to two continents (that's a winner development).

...i remain quietly joyful about the little things--as much as i can be, anyway (another winner development).

...i think am beginning to get the hang of maximizing my breath (except for the moments that i think about it too much i start gritting my teeth).

...am waking up early again, and the moments spent in silence or with music or morning coffee (okay, fine, a certain degree of procrastinating na din) rock my world.

...i still like doing the laundry (though handwashing towels can be hell on the wrists).

at the risk of sounding like a hopeless flower child, i hug the world.

frisk me, bebeh!

i have finally decided.

should i ever have a bachelorette party, i want an ethan hawke/papa logan/colin farrell/papa bruce look-alike in full-blown assault gear to be the hotsy-patootsy.

and he'll have to show and tell (properly dapat, no boyz in da hood form) load weapon, unload and show clear, etc.

he can bark stuff like "shooters, make ready!" at me, and if he's super hot, he can show me alpha, bravo, and charlie scores...

this is an interesting realization at 1am.
egad, thoughts like that will keep a woman awake.

ROAR!

books.

googled "top 100 books" and ran into lists c/o time, random house, bbc and the guardian unlimited. cool!

my list (again, in no particular order, read over and over, in bed, the beach, the plane, the train; whoever pops into my brain)

1. a separate peace, john knowles
2. to kill a mockingbird, harper lee
3. the bell jar, sylvia plath
4. gone with the wind, margaret mitchell
5. the kiss, kathryn harrison
6. jane eyre, charlotte bronte
7. the age of innocence, edith wharton
8. anna karenina, leo tolstoy
9. time traveler's wife, audrey niffenegger
10. little women, louisa may alcott
11. the silmarillion, JRR tolkien
12. emily, l.m. montgomery
13. the romantic movement, alain de botton
14. lovely bones, alice sebold (wait how come it's not on the shelf...)
15. angela's ashes, frank mccourt
16. the godfather, mario puzo
17. tale of murasaki, liza dalby
18. memoirs of a geisha, arthur golden
19. dracula, bram stoker
20. dear america: letters home from vietnam
21. a many-splendored thing, han suyin
22. piece of my heart, keith walker
23. nicholas and alexandra, robert k. massie
24. the bourne identity, robert ludlum
25. the grapes of wrath, john steinbeck

as for my secret shame list
1. zoya, danielle steel
2. wrong-way romance (sweet dreams # 176) - which, i just found out, got 5 stars out of 9 reviews on amazon.com
3. princess daisy - judith krantz
4. till we meet again - judith krantz
5. i'll take manhattan - judith krantz (shiyet nababasyo ako)
6. mistral's daughter - judith krantz (lintik why did we garage sale these dudes now i wanna read them again)

...i hope i didn't miss anyone...

oh! recently read KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL and it was so cool! i couldn't put it down, and i'm not even a foodie.

that's one thing i realized, reading the book. admittedly i have my favorite food groups (gummi bears, otsumami, cereal, chocolate, pan de regla) but food is more like fuel to me than anything else (except i guess when i'm moody)...kung gutom na ako pero wala pang handa, kahit ano lalamunin ko muna to tide me over.

my sister, the official foodie in the family, was in shock when i said it out loud.

i guess that's why i do the dishes...

FRAK!

slaybelle, you have the gratitude, love, affection and hero worship of every resident of our apartment (including ate's fish). bless your downloading heart.

the all-TIME 100 albums...

li...are on time.com, and i only own four of them. seven if you count the ones cybs owns and i hope to one day steal.

so it got me thinking about my all-time favorite albums...the ones that blew my mind away, that i listened to over and over, whether i was rich enough to get my own copy or not...

off the top of my head, in no particular order, and doing my best not to just list all the tori and sarah albums...

1. tori amos, little earthquakes
2. sarah mclachlan, fumbling towards ecstasy
3. counting crows, august and everything after
4. radiohead, pablo honey
5. hole, live through this
6. joni mitchell, blue
7. heather nova, oyster
8. indigo girls, rites of passage
9. 10,000 maniacs, our time in eden
10. veruca salt, american thighs
11. better than ezra, how does your garden grow
12. cynthia alexander, rippingyarns
13. the bangles, everything
14. sinead o'connor, i don't want what i haven't got
15. cranberries, everybody else is doing it, so why can't we
16. sarah mclachlan, surfacing
17. tori amos, under the pink
18. tori amos, boys for pele
19. tori amos, from the choirgirl hotel (yes yes i'm copping out but they're legit, promise!)
20. R.E.M., monster
21. heather nova, siren
22. fiona apple, tidal
23. fiona apple, when the pawn....
23. jewel, pieces of you
24. garbage, garbage
25. pearl jam, ten
26. cher, heart of stone (wow, i had to google that one pa, tape pa yun)
27. sinead o'connor, am i not your girl?
28. nine inch nails, pretty hate machine (skinny will kill me for that one, i think)
29. basia, time and tide
30. abra moore, strangest places

...and if SOUNDTRACKS count...
31. OST - last of the mohicans
32. OST - the piano
33. OST - china beach
34. OST - buffy
35. OST - crazy beautiful
36. OST - 10 things i hate about you
37. OST - cruel intentions
38. OST - a walk to remember
39. OST - party of five
40. OST - romeo and juliet
41. OST - stigmata

and if, ahem, cartoons and broadway and greatest hits (pero parang this one shouldn't) count,
42. little mermaid
43. miss saigon
44. rent
45. les miz
46. bjork
47. counting crows again
48. fleetwood mac
49. peter, paul and mary
50. james taylor

hmmm. a few observations:
- they're mostly all chicks
- they're mostly all retro...back in the day when paying for a legit CD was still part of my budget.

interesteenk! i think i'll do books next...

it's okay by me

the paper cuts, the cheating lovers
the coffee's never strong enough
i know you think it's more than just bad luck

there, there, baby
it's just textbook stuff
it's just the ABC of growing up
now, now, darling
oh don't lose your head

'cause none of us were angels
and you know i love you, yeah

speeding cars - imogen heap

waiting for godot.

or preview master #21...am very close to sitting next to my boss and bugging her the way i do cybs when we're in our beds na but i can't sleep and she's on her way to la la land.

(to the tune of no doubt): don't sleep!...don't sleep!

...but i do have a few happy thoughts!

1. The Missing Shirt, after more than a month, has returned from the laundromat! bless the girl who remembered and called me pa.

2. 2 december projects that would've given us hell are no longer happening. enter handel's messiah.

3. i think (cross your toes) i'm past the Chocoholic State.

mandaluyong mental, how may i help you?
take me home, good year, take me home...

sing with me now: how do you solve a problem...

...like workaday world woes?

you ask your officemates what their favorite childhood games and toys were!

ME:

games
1. 10-20
2. jackstones (but not the pillow-y ones)
3. cops and robbers
4. sardines

toys
1. my little twinstar house...i see it pink, 3/4 moon shape...and it had an elevator and rooms...
2. smurf coloring books! teka, di ata toy yun...

confusion says.

i give up...i'm truly a luddite.

everytime i "cross-post" or whatever from cyberlaundry.blogspot.com all the entries here double.

ambot!

euro destination #8: belgium and beyond

winner moments:

• train ride to bastogne, catching the sunrise.
• bus ride to bastogne. trees everywhere. could just hear papa winters screaming "move forward!"
  getting to bastogne (even if there wasn't any way we could go to the ACTUAL battlefield, harumph).

• winner park (or should i say forest? or setting for merchant & ivory film?) near timi's house

• taking a tram through the forests of tervuren, and seeing cyclists on the paths (too bad i didn't see any horses, with their masters hitting the drugstore or bakery)
  

• hanging out in leuven with timi and Da Sistah (the closest i got to wishing like hell i had bled for new school)
• bringing lavender and cheese and tea and more cheese home, knowing we got it at a bargain

• hitting antwerp with cybs and realizing wow i can understand the trains!

these boots were made for walking and that's just what they'll do

euro destination #7: amsterdam

winner moments:

• bicycle! bicycle!
• the closest i got to anne frank's house: the sign outside. the line was long, and unlike the other tourist attractions we went to, everybody was quiet.
• first euro rainbow
• smelling (but not buying) pot, and seeing just how casual everyone was about it, hee hee

euro destination #6: france

winner moments:

• realizing it still smells the same (call me weird, but cities have different smells to me. a balikbayan box from NY smells different from a balikbayan box from tokyo, PROMISE).


• seeing that the skater boys were still there near the eiffel tower (i had a big crush on one of them--complete with detailed fantasy--when i was 14)


• the closest i've gotten to dear st. petersburg so far: pont alexandre III


• being the only brown people walking around a medieval town

euro destination #5: athens

sudden thoughts:

• i really really like it here! even if i can’t read all the signs…
• myGAD ang sarap ng pagkain.

winner moments:

• souvlaki! gyro! falafel! fatay!
• the erechtheion (dedicated daw to the worship of Attica, Athena and Poseidon-Erechtheus), next to the parthenon. insides crying kasi ang ganda nya.
• running into a british television crew filming! (take me take me i'll carry anything!)
• the grace of stone and marble forming a face or hand or wrist

happy holidaze.

a little (literally) christmas cheer, Javier-Gregory Style:

a. baby christmas tree from SM Hypermarket, under P50 and 2 feet

b. trimmings: a belt and LOTS of earrings

and of course, all our little friends from The Transformers, Mother Russia, and Monsters Inc.

kodakan! (i.e. pix with actual people in them)

marco at palatine hill, looking for VC and taking pix in between.

1st euro self-portrait (venice)

(sleeping in airport in athens, because their train stops at midnight but our flight was at 6ish)

ah...takes me back to my childhood.

*photo taken by My Evil Sistah

busted.

*sky from paris to amsterdam. my brain is stuck somewhere here.

the PTB (powers that be) have blocked blogger.com at the office as well, so i won't get to post that often, nor read other people's blogs (not even the ones that are for work, like thefashpack.blogspot.com, dang it!)

hay. consuelo de bobo? the usual suspects on cinemax. yey!

ep2 of veronica mars on youtube. triple yey!

in other news: war and peace is getting better. come 12MN the battle scenes become one big blur in my head, but at least i don't feel like everybody is named nikolai anymore :) now am so so glad i got grapes of wrath in high school and not this (this, and anna karenina, i believe, were reserved for the naughty students).

forget what we're told before we get too old

show me a garden that's bursting into life

euro destination #4: rome (part 2)

other sudden thoughts:

• myGAD ang mahal ng toma dito.
• "myLEGS, i can't feel my legs! i have no legs!"

winner moments:

in general:

• walking around the city at night and running into a really cool, grandparents-y couple from new york
• having an existential, waiting for (godot) bus 175 moment
• having a dear Lord, don't deport me moment, when a supermarket security guard had me empty my bag (no English, only pantomimes) because it was bleeping, thanks to a purchase in another store. be still my little brown heart. and to think I kept looking around, wondering who the thief was!

the Vatican:

• bless me father, we are constantly sinning (thornbirds! stigmata! mama mia!)
• singing mission: impossible theme while waiting to see D’Sistine Chapel
• seeing the 3D-ish, how-on-EARTH-did-he-do-that Sistine Chapel

the colosseum (am i not merciful??):

• overhearing a bunch of americans saying, “imagine how much blood was spilled here…all in the name of entertainment…” and hearing the wind agree.

regrets:

• not seeing La Bocca della Verità and getting my European Audrey photo (i had rice crispies and water at tiffany’s)

euro destination #4: rome (part 1)

sudden thoughts:

• these guys have no qualms about blatantly checking you out. interesteenk.
• oh GAWD i hope you’re not a minor.
• oh GAWD, you ARE a minor.

winner moments:

• palatine hill, the (i believe) forbes park of ancient rome. those stones—and trees—were seriously talking. and the view from there rocks.
• sunset at isola tiberina…wouldn’t mind time stopping with me there
  

regrets:

• i didn't figure out just how much walking we were doing until it was much, much, too late.

euro destination #3: pisa

sudden thoughts:

• am too tired to take a train and a bus, can we not?
• (half an hour later): BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  

winner moments:

• watching people have their “carrying the weight of the tower” pic taken
• buying coke from the cute, i-don’t-think-you’re-italian-but-ate-and-i-will-take-you-home-anyway-man

regrets:

• not taking home the cute, i-don’t-think-you’re-italian-but-ate-and-i-will-take-you-home-anyway-man (or at least having our picture taken with him!)

euro destination #2: florence

sudden thoughts:

• i. heart. florence.
• i. seriously. heart. florence.
  

winner moments:

• going up more than five flights of stairs, backpacks and all, to check in
• two women staring this little brown girl down as she took a low angle shot of D'Duomo
• taking a bus to fiesole to get a winner view of florence. must. go. back.

regrets:

• i couldn't stay there forever.

euro destination #1: venice

sudden thoughts:

• o agent ben, my agent ben, where art thou?
• hmm...does anyone actually live here?

winner moments:

• first d'real gelato
• first self-portrait in europe with cybs! the last time we were there, we were young ang ignorant

regrets:

• we weren't there long enough to see it at night

top euro moments.

the closest i've gotten to dear st. petersburg so far: pont alexandre III

the closest i got to getting teary-eyed: a (i think) baby temple for athena next to the parthenon. these women were talking to me.

the closest i got to my roman catholic self: pope john paul II's grave. it was cloaked in...soul stuff. but i couldn't get myself to take a picture, kind of...morbid.

the closest i got to anne frank's house: the sign outside. the line was long, i was broke; unlike the other tourist attractions we went to, everybody was quiet.

the closest i got to wishing like hell i had begged my parents for a trust fund for my new york MA: the shady trees in timi's university in leuven, belgium.

six countries in seventeen days.

italy, greece, france, belgium; amsterdam for four hours, luxembourg for under two.

europe with my parents is like the amazing race, only there's no cash prize at the end, and quitting is never an option.

will write meaningful things and post pictures when i get my brain un-jetlagged and lose my eurail legs.

mars to martians?

i watched it i watched it na! on a laptop, at 3am, ready to lower the volume because dyahe naman to sleeping beauties.

slaybelle! have you seen EP3.1??? what are your tots? aya aya aya

win or lose.

*picture c/o steady bitch

have candle, will read (a.k.a. spoiled by technology)

i'm all for candlelight--very warm and friendly and sweet and comforting.
...i just wish it came with TV.

...cybs was reading about scarlett's troubles in tara after the yankees devastated the plantations, so super apt. i was reading the creepy parts of jane eyre so super apt din.

so what else did we do to pass the time?
1. mended our clothes (it was a toss-up between talking with a southern or english accent)
2. changed the curtains
3. brought out our coloring books and crayons
4. our housemate and i got drunk with MP and coke so we'd fall asleep
5. tried to check into a hotel (even victoria court, dahlia inn and rosal were fully booked; and yes, we were that desperate)

i'm sure we all have our war stories with the super storm (if am not mistaken, the last time metro manila was signal #3 was in 1995 or something, typhoon rosing daw), but the freakiest thing was waiting for cybs outside her building on emerald ave, and walter was SHAKING because of the wind. a car weighs 1/4 of a ton, and it shakes...i can't imagine how humans walking around must've felt.

the sweetest thing, though. i was on my way to cybs, driving behind this little toy of a car that suddenly braked. there were pieces of wood with nails on them on the road, so she started backing up. i did the same. and then, in the midst of all that rain and wind, this guy on a motorcycle drove up and picked up the debris, so we could pass.

win some, lose some.

win some:

• i can do a bridge again.
• in light of God-awful weather, client is kind enough to move airing date so we don't have to move heaven and earth (and floodwater and possible debris) to get the airing master to the office today.

lose some:

• kung kelan free ako to watch it live, cancelled naman ang AdMU-UST game.

woke up before 6am because of the rain. ortigas buildings had a ghostly-white sky as a backdrop. we're only four floors up and i can see how freakily fast the clouds are moving.

wherever you are, i hope you're safe--and warm!

key quotes from Tony Blair's last speech to the Labour conference in Manchester as prime minister and party leader:

The Google Generation
But what happens? Expectations rise. People want power in their own hands.
Two thirds of the country has access to the internet. Millions of people are ordering flights or books or other goods on-line, they are talking to their friends on-line, downloading music, all of it when they want to, not when the shop or office is open.
The Google generation has moved beyond the idea of 9 to 5, closed on weekends and Bank Holidays.

Today's technology is profoundly empowering. Of course public services are different.
Their values are different. But today people won't accept a service handed down from on high.
They want to shape it to their needs, and the reality of their lives.

ID Cards
30 million people now come to Britain every year. Visitors, tourists, workers, students.
Our economy needs them.

227 million pass through our airports. Yet we have no means of checking who is here lawfully.
The fundamental dilemma: how do we reconcile liberty with security in this new world? I don't want to live in a police state, or a Big Brother society or put any of our essential freedoms in jeopardy.
But because our idea of liberty is not keeping pace with change in reality, those freedoms are in jeopardy.
When crimes go unpunished, that is a breach of the victim's liberty and human rights.
When organised crime gangs are free to practice their evil, countless young people have their liberty and often their lives damaged.

* * *

Immigration has benefited Britain.
But I know that if we don't have rules that allow us some control over who comes in, goes out, who has a right to stay and who has not, then instead of a welcome, migrants find fear.
We can only protect liberty by making it relevant to the modern world.

That is why Identity Cards using biometric technology are not a breach of our basic rights, they are an essential part of responding to the reality of modern migration and protecting us against identity fraud.
I remember when I introduced the DNA database. On it go all those who are arrested. We were told it was a monstrous breach of liberty.
But it is now matching 3,000 offences a month including last year several hundred murders, and thousands of rapes and other violent offences. Difficult reform leading to real progress in the fight against crime.

The Worst Job on Earth
The most common phrase uttered to me - and not at rallies or public events but in meetings of chance, quietly, is not "I hate you" or "I like you" but "I would not have your job for all the world".
The British people will, sometimes, forgive a wrong decision.
They won't forgive not deciding.